The Enemy is Sneaky

Adjusting to motherhood had its own challenges for me both mentally and emotionally, but it wasn’t until we moved back to West Michigan after 4 years of creating a life we loved in Green Bay that my physical health started to decline. In April 2017, a position came open in the athletic department at Grand Valley State University that was exactly what Brent was looking to find in order for us to move back to our home state. We both graduated from GVSU, and Brent had worked as a graduate assistant for the exact position that opened up before he accepted his then-current position at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. Even though we had built a great life in Green Bay, with a home, amazing friends, and careers we had both grown into, we knew we needed to jump on this opportunity. God was opening a door for us to live closer to family once again as we planned to grow our family. 

Brent applied, interviewed, and accepted the GVSU position, then packed up and moved to Grand Rapids while Leo and I stayed in Green Bay to finish out my school year and track season. My village really showed up during those 5-6 weeks. Leo was a little over 15 months old, and I was teaching full-time AND coaching our high school’s girls track & field team. I honestly don’t really remember much specifically about that time, just that we survived by the grace of God and the community He provided for us. However, I very clearly remember one specific thought that went through my head on a warm, sunny spring day when I was driving home from track practice. 

I remember the distinct thought of how fortunate I was, that my life up until that point has been so blessed, free from true hardship and suffering. As a teacher with experience in a wide variety of settings, I’m well aware of the trauma and suffering so many go through or continue to go through during their lives here on earth. Sure, I had my fair share of hardships throughout my life, but nothing compared to the stories of some of the students and even colleagues I’ve worked with. It feels uncomfortable to admit this, that my life has been so blessed, because of the amount of suffering some people close to me have endured. Was it God's favor and protection over my life? Or was it another force that was keeping me from experiencing the dark valleys that only God can bring us out of?

Isn’t it in our suffering that we need God the most? Isn’t it possible that the enemy prevents bad things from happening to us so that we don’t desire and seek out the peace, comfort, and protection of God’s love and goodness? The Lord has great plans for each and every one of us, and the enemy knows that. He tries to keep us from developing a deep relationship with God in so many sneaky ways, and this is just one of those ways. I see that now, because soon after we moved back to Michigan, my stress and anxiety levels rose (also weapons of the enemy) as I faced an uncertainty that unsettled me. Even though we were back "home," I knew I would be starting over in a new job that I didn't yet have, and we were living that first summer in a less-than-ideal apartment with a very active toddler. The more anxious and stressed I became, the more my mental and physical health declined, thus beginning the journey that led me from the luke-warm Christian that took my health for granted and wanted complete control over my life, to fully surrendering my life to the Lord and leaning into Him in the rock bottom that was to come.